Cake
by Baby Morrison
Summary: Naruto knows what he wants. But, as with everything, he ends up taking a little too much. Eventually, he finds himself in a love dodecahedron that engulfs much of the village. SLASH with too many pairings to list...full list inside.
1. Chapter 1

_Title: Cake_

_Fandom: Naruto_

_Rating: R (this chapter rated PG)_

_Pairings (in this chapter): Iruka/Naruto, Jiraiya/Naruto, Kakashi/Naruto, Naruto/Sasuke, Kakashi/Sasuke, Lee/Gaara, Shikamaru/Neji...many more implied, possibly more with devoted chapters, if I feel like it._

_Summary: Naruto knows what he wants. But, as with everything, he ends up taking a little too much. Eventually, he finds himself in a love dodecahedron that engulfs much of the village. SLASH with too many pairings to list. Each pairing will get at least a chapter with IruNaru, KakaNaru, and JirNaru getting at least two or three._

CAKE, a Naruto Fic

Chapter One

Iruka turned over, barely awake. Something felt off. When he opened his eyes, he realized why. Naruto was perched on the edge of the bed, his knees drawn up to his chin.

"Naruto?" he slurred drowsily. "What're you doing here?"

The boy shrugged. "Just...felt like it."

His voice was flat and quiet, his usual growl gone. Something was very, very wrong.

Iruka sat up, slinging an arm around Naruto's shoulders. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

Naruto sniffled pathetically. "Nothing...it's just...okay, it's like if someone baked you a cake for your birthday. And it was huge and awesome and you couldn't wait to eat it. And they put it down in front of you, and you're about to stick your fork in, and they say you can't have any."

Iruka stifled a laugh. "So who did you try to stick your fork in?"

Naruto blushed, burying his face in his hands. "Nobody! It's just an anachronism!"

"You mean an analogy?" Iruka asked coolly, pulling Naruto to his chest anyway.

"Whatever." The kid's tone was angry, but a little scratching behind the ears and he melted into Iruka's arms.

"So who's your cake?" Iruka laughed, kissing the top of Naruto's head, smelling his hair. He smelled sweet, like...

_Cake..._he thought. _That's exactly what it is, isn't it?_

"I don't wanna say."

"Well," said Iruka mischievously. "I'll tell you if you tell me."

Naruto's ears perked up. "You have a crush on somebody?" he asked, "No way! Aren't you a little old for that?"

"Naruto, I'm only twenty five."

Naruto giggled. "Oh, yeah. Sorry...Wait a minute!" Suddenly, yelling, Naruto sounded a little more like his usual self. "You have a crush on somebody? Who is it? Tell me! Come on, Iruka Sensei!"

Naruto had climbed Iruka, and was apparently trying to physically squeeze the answer out of him.

"Alright, alright," Iruka laughed, rolling out from under the kid and righting himself. "You first, though."

Naruto paled suddenly, remembering why he had come to Iruka in the first place.

"No way," he said flatly. "I'm not telling, and anyway, you probably don't even know hi--this person."

This time, it was Iruka's ears that perked up. "Naruto..." he said softly, the scar across his face crinkling with concern.

"What?" the boy snapped defensively.

Iruka smiled, rubbing a palm up Naruto's back. "You can tell me anything. I promise I won't judge you, and I won't tell anyone else."

Naruto shrugged. "I just don't wanna tell anybody. Nothing personal."

Iruka sighed sadly and squeezed Naruto's shoulder. "Okay...So are you staying the night, or do you want me to walk you home?"

"I can really stay here? Awesome!" said Naruto, pulling off his jacket and pants and tossing them to the floor. Iruka nearly passed out, but kept his cool as the boy -- now wearing only his t-shirt and boxers -- burrowed under the covers. He scratched his head and turned out the light. He considered going to sleep on the couch, but decided against it. He trusted himself not to take advantage of Naruto, and besides, if he slept on the couch, he couldn't watch Naruto sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_Title: Cake_

_Fandom: Naruto_

_Rating: R_

_Pairings (in this chapter): Iruka/Naruto, Jiraiya/Naruto, Kakashi/Naruto, Naruto/Sasuke, Kakashi/Sasuke, Lee/Gaara, Shikamaru/Neji...many more implied, possibly more with devoted chapters, if I feel like it._

_Summary: Naruto knows what he wants. But, as with everything, he ends up taking a little too much. Eventually, he finds himself in a love dodecahedron that engulfs much of the village. SLASH with too many pairings to list. Each pairing will get at least a chapter with IruNaru, KakaNaru, and JirNaru getting at least two or three._

CAKE, a Naruto Fic

Chapter Two

Iruka woke up while Naruto was still sleeping and brought him breakfast in bed. Naruto smiled sleepily and dug in.

"I have to go, or I'll be late for class," said Iruka, patting Naruto's shoulder.

"'Kay...see ya later."

"Lock the door behind you if you leave."

Iruka reluctantly tore himself from the room and, slipping into his shoes, headed off down the road towards the academy, thinking about Naruto. He had thought a lot about Naruto lately, mostly how much he missed the kid. Sure, he was a grade A pain in the ass sometimes, but Iruka genuinely missed the excitement.

About a block from the academy, he heard hushed angry voices from behind a cluster of houses.

"It's not funny! Stop it before someone sees!"

Neji Hyuga. Iruka would recognize those slightly affected tone anywhere.

"Aww, come on. Relax, it's no big deal."

Shikamaru Nara.

Iruka followed the voices to a fence. Peering between the slats, he could see that Shikamaru had Neji in a shadow possession.

"What if your father sees?!" Neji hissed, looking furious at his own inability to resist.

Shikamaru chuckled. "Yeah, right. You think he gets out of bed before noon? Besides," he added with a windy sigh and a smirk, "I don't really see where you have much of a choice, Hyuuga."

Incapable of even struggling, Neji settled for growling dangerously. "Eventually," he said, "you will run out of chakra. And when you do--"

"Yeah, yeah. You'll hit my chakra points and make my whole body go numb. So I'll take a nice nap when you do. Heh...I'm gonna need it after this."

"You--" Neji froze as the shadow of a hand crept across his chest.

Iruka started to go to the gate to break them up, but he hesitated. Something troubled him about this. If the two were going to fight, why be so secretive? Why not do it on the training grounds where a fight wouldn't be interrupted? And why were they speaking so...well they didn't sound as if they were in a fight. Neji sounded angry, but there was something else in his voice. Something that could almost be mistaken for fear.

Could it be excitement? What kind of game were these boys playing?

That question was soon answered. The shadow's hand moved to the fastenings of his shirt, and pulled them, one by one, apart.

_Incredible_, though Iruka. _He has an unbelievable control of shadow techniques. Normally, they have to be focused on a specific goal. That's why the shadow strangulation technique works the way it does, but to retain a shadow possession and allow the shadow form to physically perform not just one task, but a series of complicated tasks...like figuring out how that stupid shirt comes undone._

And the shadow's hand was having a little trouble figuring that out, but eventually had all three of the front fastenings undone. A second hand appeared at the buttons of Neji's shorts while the first hand pushed his shirt over his shoulders.

"I see you've been working on a new technique," Neji commented dryly through his teeth.

"Yeah," Shikamaru replied, "I was laying in bed and I couldn't reach the lamp to turn it off. I've been using it to get things done."

Neji scoffed, ignoring the hands undressing him. "So you invented a new jutsu because you were too lazy to get up out of bed? How very..._you_."

Shrugging, Shikamaru sighed, "Come on, Neji, you're supposed to be a genius, right? Do you really wanna insult the guy who's got you in a possession?"

Neji was now completely naked. Iruka knew he shouldn't be watching this, but it captivated him. Not necessarily the erotic nature of the situation, but the possession, and the eventuality that Shikamaru would run out of chakra, and Iruka was anxious to see what would happen when it did, especially if he needed to step in.

The shadow hands ran along the boy's chest, flicking over his nipples.

"Feels freaky doesn't it?" asked Shikamaru. "You'll get used to it."

"Stop it," Neji hissed as a hand trailed down his hips.

"Hyuga, if you wanted me to stop, you wouldn't have tried to kiss me last night."

Neji looked stricken. "I did _not_ try to kiss you."

"Yeah, and Asuma Sensei wasn't trying to kiss me when he gave me a shotgun that one time. But at least he was high, so he had an excuse. Man, I wish you'd just get over yourself and admit it."

"Hey, what's going on in there?"

Iruka whirled around at the voice. A large man with bushy white hair and the kanji for "oil" on his head-protector. Iruka had seen him with Naruto a few days ago in town. They looked like they were training. But there was something familiar about him...about that kanji. He had heard of this guy somewhere...Where could it have been?

"There's nobody down at the baths right now, so it looks like you've found a great spot. Is she pretty?"

Iruka's eyes widened, realizing not only where he had seen this guy, but what he was being accused of.

He was the author of that awful trash Kakashi was always reading. Iruka had confiscated several copies of the various books in the series from older students at the academy. But that couldn't be the only way he knew him...that kanji...and the red paint down his face...

"No, you don't underst--" but it was too late. He had pressed his face to a gap in the fence. After a second, he drew back. Pale, but a flush slowly creeping into his cheeks.

"Hey," he said, putting his hands up in a show of pacifism. "To each his own. I'm not gonna judge."

"No," Iruka said irritatedly. "This is a misunderstanding. Those two used to be my students. I thought they were fighting, and it's very likely that they might when Neji gets out of that shadow possession, so I was just sticking around to step in if things got out of hand."

It bothered Iruka that he still couldn't figure out who this guy was and where else he knew him from.

Then it clicked.

There had been a photograph of him in a history textbook Iruka taught from at the academy. And two others. The Legendary Sannin. So this was Master Jiraiya...and he also wrote trashy romance? Iruka had a sudden headache.

"Shadow possession? I didn't see any shadow possession."

Iruka looked back between the slats. The two of them were tangled together on the grass, Shikamaru down to his mesh undershirt and his boxers, kissing furiously. So either Shikamaru had run out of chakra or Neji had given in. Either way, Iruka looked like a lying pervert.

"He had him in a shadow possession," Iruka asserted. "I wasn't--oh forget it, you were going to look if they were girls."

Jiraiya looked offended, but didn't say anything, possibly because the statement was true and he really didn't have any defense against it.

"You've been training Naruto Uzumaki, haven't you?" Iruka asked, following Jiraiya away from the fence. Maybe he knew something about whatever had Naruto so upset.

"Blond kid, yells a lot?" Jiraiya asked. "Yeah, I'm working on a couple of techniques with him. That sexy technique is killer."

Iruka laughed uncomfortably. He agreed, but it had always been the similarities to Naruto that had made the jutsu so effective on him.

"Listen, have you noticed him being upset about anything? He has a crush on someone and I'm not really sure who, but it's really got him depressed."

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "Hm? I'm not sure. Could be anyone. Lots of girls in the Leaf Village."

Shaking his head, Iruka said, "No. It's not a girl. He almost slipped and said 'him', but caught himself at the last second and said 'this person'. Not only that, but it's someone I don't really know, so that counts out all of his former classmates from the academy. In fact, it counts out every ninja in the village who's studied at the academy since I started teaching. So it's someone older. Within about five to ten years of my age or older."

Jiraiya's brow creased. "That rules out quite a bit of the village," he said softly. "And it's probably someone he's had a lot of contact with recently. So that narrows the field even further. That would be his trainers, his friends' parents and older siblings...the guy at the ramen shop."

Iruka snorted. "Well, you've been with him a lot lately. What adults has he had any contact with?"

"Hm..." Jiraiya took a seat on a bench and Iruka paced in front of it. "Well, other than me...He was with Ebisu when I met him."

"Ebisu?!" Iruka shouted. "That ass? No way. Naruto has better taste."

"Well," said Jiraiya, cradling the back of his neck in his hands and looking up at the sky, "that leaves you, me, and the ramen guy."

"And Kakashi?"

Jiraiya's eyebrows flew up. "Kakashi Hatake? The Fourth's old student?"

"Mh-hm," Iruka nodded. "He was his first trainer. Stopped training him just before you met him."

"So you, me, and Kakashi," said Jiraiya. "How about we go find him and see what he knows."

"Later," Iruka replied. "I have to get to the school before eight-thirty."

Jiraiya laughed. "What time do you think it is?"

Iruka checked his watch.

As a teacher, it had been about seven years since he cursed. But now just felt like the time.

"SHIT!"


	3. Chapter 3

_Title: Cake_

_Fandom: Naruto_

_Rating: R_

_Pairings (in this chapter): Iruka/Naruto, Jiraiya/Naruto, Kakashi/Naruto, Naruto/Sasuke, Kakashi/Sasuke, Lee/Gaara, Shikamaru/Neji...many more implied, possibly more with devoted chapters, if I feel like it._

_Summary: Naruto knows what he wants. But, as with everything, he ends up taking a little too much. Eventually, he finds himself in a love dodecahedron that engulfs much of the village. SLASH with too many pairings to list. Each pairing will get at least a chapter with IruNaru, KakaNaru, and JirNaru getting at least two or three._

CAKE, a Naruto Fic

Chapter Three

Jiraiya spent the day outside the academy. Fortunately, there was a lingerie shop across the street that kept him occupied. Around noon, Iruka met him outside the school yard, glancing suspiciously at his fresh black eye.

"So you've met Kakashi before?" Iruka asked, deciding to ignore Jiraiya's injuries.

"Yeah, a couple of times. Once when he was studying under the fourth, and again twelve years ago. Smart guy. Great taste in literature."

Iruka rolled his eyes at the way Jiraiya said _literature_; it didn't sound any less like _porn_. "So he won't pass out if you talk to him? Because I've caught him writing _Make Out_ fan fiction before."

Jiraiya looked far too pleased with himself, but shook his head. "No, we've met a couple of times, and the second time, he was already a fan...He looked a little weak at the knees, but we had more important things to deal with."

Iruka nodded. That must have been when the Nine-Tailed Fox attacked. Of course they both would have been extremely upset. One had lost a student, and the other a sensei. Everyone lost something in the attack. Some lost everything.

A heavy silence hung between them on their walk to the memorial stone, each in his own thoughts until they approached the still figure at the stone.

"Kakashi!" Iruka called from a few feet away. "My friend and I need to talk to you."

Kakashi turned around. As much as his face was covered, nothing could hide how wide his exposed eye went when he saw Jiraiya. He managed to keep calm, but it was obvious to Iruka at least that the jonin was absolutely giddy underneath the relaxed façade.

"What's up?" he asked coolly, running a hand through his hair. It would normally seem a careless gesture, but he was trying fix it in the reflection of Iruka's headband.

"Something's wrong with Naruto," Iruka said, tipping his head. The glare now made it impossible for Kakashi to preen. "And...we think it's about one of us."

"One of us? How does Naruto know Master Jiraiya?" he asked with a reverent nod to his superior.

"He's been training him for the past few days," Iruka answered. Jiraiya didn't seem to mind being spoken for. In fact, he had settled down against a stump and begun jotting a few notes in a tiny notebook.

Kakashi smiled pleasantly. "Well...But you said that Naruto is having a problem?"

"Mh-hm. Last night, he came over to my apartment and asked me if I'd ever felt like someone had given me a cake and told me I couldn't have any...And then he slipped that it was a man. Someone that I 'probably don't know,' which I figured was either Jiraiya, who I met this morning, or you, who I've only talked to once or twice."

"Or," Jiraiya piped up, "It's Iruka, and Naruto was trying to hide it from him because he was scared."

Kakashi's eyes lit up brilliantly, "Just like in _Make Out Paradise_!"

Jiraiya nodded sagely. "Although, let's not assume anything. After all, this did just come on, and we met a few days ago."

"That's true," said Kakashi, "but he could be upset because I told him I didn't have time to for him anymore...Maybe I should go talk to him tonight."

"Or," added Iruka with a little more than a hint of jealousy, "he's starting to realize how much he missed me."

"Probably not," the other two said in unison.

Iruka's eyebrows flew up under his headband. "The two of you are jealous!" he laughed. "You two want to get into Naruto's pants."

Kakashi blinked sulkily, while Jiraiya chuckled uncomfortably, blushing. "Listen, kid, you must really not know me very well, because I am anything but--"

"Oh, please!" Iruka shouted, his temper flaring. "The only reason you write that trash is to pump up your bullshit, macho, insecure identity. If you had one ounce of self-respect you'd swallow your pride and admit that any man over forty who lives alone on a mountain, takes steam baths, and wears bright red make-up is at least a little suspicious."

Kakashi took the opportunity to step in and keep the argument from escalating. "Listen," he said firmly. "It doesn't matter. Let's just give it a few days. We could be completely wrong. We'll see what happens with Naruto. We bring our suspicions up with him. Agreed?"

The other men nodded reluctantly, and they went their separate ways, Jiraiya back to his rented room, and Kakashi and Iruka to their respective apartments.

Not a single one of them had the slightest intention of anything other than getting to Naruto before the others could the next morning.

A/N: a shorter chapter than last time, but the next three will be each of their attempts to woo Naruto, with perhaps even, le gasp, a sex scene each.


	4. Chapter 4: Hiashi's Birthday Special

CAKE, a Naruto Fic

Chapter Four: A Happy Birthday, Hiashi (Jan. 8th) Special

_**Title:** Cake_

_**Fandom:** Naruto_

_**Rating:** R (this chapter rated PG for mentions of incest)_

_**Pairings (* = in this chapter):** IruNaru, KakaNaru, JiraNaru, AsuKure, AsuShika, AsuIru, ChoujiIno, EbiKono, GaaLee, GuyLee, GuyIru, GuyKaka, *HiaNeji, InoSaku, ItaSasu, JiraOro, JiraMina, KakaIru, KakaIta, KakaSasu, KankuTema, KibaShino, KureHina, KureKiba, KureShino, MinaKaka, NaruGaa, NaruHaku, NaruKono NaruSasu, NejiHina, ObiKaka, OroKabu, OroSasu, SaruJira, SaruOro, *ShikaNeji, TsunaSaku, TsunaShizu, YashaGaa, ZabuHaku _

_**Summary:** Naruto knows what he wants. But, as with everything, he ends up taking a little too much. Eventually, he finds himself in a love dodecahedron that engulfs much of the village. SLASH with too many pairings to list. Many pairings will get at least a chapter with IruNaru, KakaNaru, and JirNaru getting at least two or three._

_**Chapter Summary:** Hinata tries to figure out why Neji is so happy. Turns out she didn't want to know, after all. _

_**Warning:** mentions of incest._

_

* * *

  
_

Something was wrong with Neji.

Hinata could tell that the moment she walked into his bedroom.

She had, on her father's orders, come to fetch her cousin for training, and there he was. But why was he in bed so late? It was nearly noon. It was odd enough for Hiashi to wait until this late in the morning to call his daughters and nephew to train – but for Neji to still be asleep?

And why were there candles everywhere?

"Um...Neji?" she called, much too quietly to be heard, let alone wake the boy. Then again, more force behind her voice. "Neji!"

The response was so odd that, at first, Hinata didn't believe it had come out of Neji. For one thing, before he responded, he had _giggled_, and for another, he had said, "Oh, it's alright, Lady Hinata, I'm awake," with a gentle, almost loving tone.

It caught her so off-guard that she completely forgot her task. She sat down next to the bed.

"Neji, are you okay?"

His head slowly rose over the curve of the pillow he was mercilessly curled around. His hair was in a greater state of dishevelment than she had ever seen on anyone – let alone her notoriously tidy cousin – and he was flushed and smiling serenely.

"I'm absolutely perfect, Hinata. More wonderfully happy than you can know."

Her immediate thought was that the Hiashi who had ordered her to fetch Neji had been a clone of her cousin within a henge of her father, and that her real father was lying horribly mutilated in a ditch somewhere. What else besides the violent murder of Lord Hiashi could make Neji so happy?

But then she considered that their relationship had been considerably less strained since the Chunin exams, so killing his uncle probably wouldn't make Neji as psychotically happy as he seemed to be.

"You're sick," she said softly. Neji's eyes widened.

"Hinata, please don't be angry with me, I never meant for you to find out, I swear! I-"

"Why would I be angry because you're sick?" she asked, wondering why her cousin was making so little sense. "Let me feel your forehead. You might have a fever."

Neji's eyes narrowed into a scowl. He looked much better. "You'll forgive me if I'm a little uncomfortable with that."

"What? Wh-" she began, then realized exactly why. Neji didn't want a member of the main family to touch his seal. "Oh. I'm sorry! Well, at least let me bring you some water."

"I'm not sick, anyway. I've never felt better." The, more to himself, he added. "A little sore, but nonetheless..." Then he sighed and, giggling again, buried his face in the pillow. On the other end of the blanket, his toes curled.

Hinata tilted her head. "Sore?"

"Nevermind." Neji sat up suddenly.

Hinata screamed instinctively.

While the blankets mostly covered all of the vital bits, it was clear that, other than the loosely-coiled bandages on his right arm, Neji was stark naked.

The bandages only made him look more uncovered.

In her panic at seeing a man's body from head to hips, her Byakugan engaged.

There was something...off about Neji's chakra flow. Firstly, it was much slower, more relaxed than usual. Nothing too shocking about that; if he had been asleep, his chakra network would slow right along with his cardiovascular system. More disturbing was _where_ it was all headed. The glow of his chakra vessels was extremely intense in the region between his legs.

Hinata fought unconsciousness for as long as it took her to disengage.

"I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt when you – I mean, you must have been – I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you–"

Neji laughed quietly. "You're mistaken," he said, only making Hinata blush more deeply.

"But you – your chakra...it's all..."

With a teasing grin, he interrupted, "I wasn't alone."

The edges of her vision started to go black, but she firmly held her grip on reality. So her cousin hadn't been having "alone time"? Well then who was he with?

She scanned the room again, running all of the possibilities through her head. Ino was in a very secretive relationship with Chouji – not because she was embarrassed to be with him, but because _his_ parents would never in a million years of him dating someone so skinny. Sakura was still head-over-heels for Sasuke, while at the same time being courted by Lady Tsunade, so no chance there, either. That only left one female near their age.

And it made all too much sense.

All that time they spent training together, and how much she admired Neji for being able to block her projectile attacks. He admired her, too, because she challenged him when they trained. That meant that Neji had just been having sex with Tenten.

"Oh..." she said, "I think I know who you're talking about now."

"You're not angry?" Neji asked, mercifully pulling an extra blanket around his shoulders.

"Why would I be angry because you're Tenten's boyfriend?"

At that, Neji burst into genuine laughter. "Tenten? Wrong again Hinata. Your powers of deduction are just as weak as your–" he caught himself. "Sorry. Old habits die hard."

"It's okay. But if it's not Tenten, and it's not Sakura or Ino, then who else could it be?"

"Plenty of people," Neji goaded. "Try the men."

She couldn't keep the gasp from escaping her lips. "Men? So you're...?"

"Is that a problem?"

"Oh, no! No, it's just that I–" The stopped, looking Neji over a few times. "Wow...I guess I'm really not good at figuring things out."

"Thanks," he said dryly.

"Well, then...I know it's not Kiba or Shino, because they're together," Neji looked surprised, but let her go on, "and it can't be Chouji, because he has a girlfriend. It's not Naruto."

"Oh?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why not?"

She blushed. "It's Naruto, isn't it?" she tried to say something angry, but a noise like the air being very slowly let out of a balloon was all that would come out.

Neji laughed. So he had been toying with her again. "No. Go on."

"Sasuke? He seems like your type."

"No."

And then she spotted a bottle of massage oil on the night stand. Candles. Massages. Romance fluffy enough to make Neji's toes curl at the thought of it. It was all too sappy and cliché to be anyone else.

"Aaah!" she squeeked. "It all makes sense!"

"Yes, but it all made sense the last two times, as well. Shouldn't you make sure it really does make sense before you jump to any more strange conclusions?"

"It's Lee, isn't it?"

"Wrong again."

She thought through everyone that she had mentioned. "That only leaves Shikamaru!" she shouted triumphantly.

"Good work," Neji said with a smile. But before Hinata could thoroughly celebrate her first-ever victory against Neji, he continued, "but we're not dating. We've messed around before, but it wasn't him today."

So all that work for nothing! Hinata had promised herself she would never give up on anything ever again, but this was looking like a lost cause.

"Fine," she said. "We shouldn't stay in here much longer, anyway. Father already started training late, and–" She stopped dead in her tracks.

This time, it really did make sense.

Hiashi never, ever started training late.

Neji never, ever slept in.

Neji's encounter hadn't been with anyone in their age-group.

Surely no one would be allowed into the complex without her father knowing about it.

It couldn't be anyone from the outside.

Neji and Hiashi hadn't hated each other since the Chunin exams.

In fact, they had been closer than ever.

This time, she couldn't fight it.

Hinata fainted.


End file.
